Adventures in Indianapolis

Duckpin Bowling in Fountain Square for Kristyn's Birthday

Revisiting the Myers Briggs Personality Test ... yet again

Approximately twice yearly, I find myself re-enamored with the Myers Briggs personality test.  Today I was reading over this blog and found this post on how to parent an ENFP (my primary personality type.)  Found some of them particularly relevant still at age 27 :)

http://enfpconfessions.tumblr.com/page/2

• Two words: Verbal Affirmation. Repeat that over and over. Your ENFP needs to hear compliments. She needs to know that she’s loved. She needs the security of knowing that she’ll always be loved. She needs to be reminded that she’s special (obviously you shouldn’t go overboard and give her false confidence). Find something good that you notice about her and point it out. If you love her, she needs to know that and with ENFPs, you have to tell her and you have to be specific.
• Never, under any circumstances, force your ENFP to participate in a club or group activity that makes him extremely uncomfortable or that he fears. There’s a difference between an ENFP who is lazy and doesn’t want to commit and an ENFP who is completely miserable and wants nothing more than to get out. The lazy ENFP will begrudgingly go along with you if you nudge him enough because deep down, a part of him wants to do it. The miserable ENFP will dig in his heels. He will beg and plead with you to let him skip said group. If your ENFP is begging to get out of social interaction with peers, you need to sit him down and figure out exactly why. Use the first point (verbal affirmation) to your advantage when wheedling information out of him. He may be shy about sharing why he doesn’t like it. Make sure he knows he’s safe. And if your ENFP is truly miserable, he will not benefit from the activity and you need to take him out. And I cannot stress this enough: YOUR SOCIAL STATUS DOES NOT MATTER WHEN YOUR CHILD IS SUFFERING. If people think you’re a bad parent for pulling him out, that’s not your fault. You’re actually doing him a favor.
• Make sure your ENFP has plenty of time with her friends, especially if none of your other children are particularly close to her. Your ENFP needs social interaction with people she can relax with and unfortunately, that may not be you. Don’t take it personally. Just because your ENFP doesn’t draw energy from talking to you doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or enjoy your company. But you have to allow her to recharge. A drained ENFP will be irritable and is likely to snap at you. Or she’ll be emotional and completely unreasonable. ENFPs are known as the most introverted of extroverts because they’re very particular about who they befriend and few people energize them. So you have to make those people who do energize them a priority because she is already doing that and no amount of fighting will change that. Fortunately for you, she doesn’t need a ridiculous amount of social time and will tire out if she gets enough. She may become a bit of a hermit for a while. But since she’s energized, she will be in much better spirits and will be more likely to be obedient and agreeable.
• Just because you’re bored with the conversation topic doesn’t mean that your ENFP is ready to stop talking about it. On the contrary, he’s probably just getting into the good stuff and is excited about sharing everything with you. Do not shut him down. Telling him you don’t care will hurt him. It may not seem hurtful to you but to an ENFP, you’re basically telling him you don’t care about what makes him passionate. Being forced to shut down also takes an incredible amount of energy away from him. In fact, he may just stop talking to you altogether and go sulk for a while. It is extremely hurtful and will only hurt your relationship. So, because your ENFP is forced to listen to your SJ babble all the time, let him babble in his NF lingo for a while, no matter how bored you get.
• Your ENFP probably won’t care about grades as much as you. As long as she’s doing okay (As, Bs, maybe a C or two), leave her be. ENFPs hate being held to a ridiculously high standard and get very stressed, which can cause their grades to plummet. If she’s not doing okay, do not take away all of her social time. That’s a great way to make her even more miserable and will likely result in even worse grades. Instead, do your best to present your help in a way she’ll understand. If you can make a game out of it, that’s even better. ENFPs are great at memorizing things and remembering them if they had fun while doing it. They don’t take themselves too seriously so you shouldn’t either.
• If your ENFP’s room is cluttered, leave it be. Make sure he knows that the rest of the house has to be kept up to your standards but his room should be his fortress because every ENFP needs one. For that reason, as long as you can move around without stepping on something and he isn’t losing things, leave him be. Being obsessive about how clean his room is will annoy him to death and will only make him resent you. Honestly, it’s not a big deal as long as it’s not dangerous and he’s happy with it so let it go.
• Laugh with her. Seriously, ENFPs feel so much better when they can laugh with someone. Find a movie you both find funny or talk in a group with friends and share funny stories. This will make your ENFP very happy and will improve your relationship.
• If you can afford it, take him on trips. They don’t have to be far away or expensive as long as he has a change of scenery. ENFPs do really well when they get to travel. To them, vacations have nothing to do with visiting relatives and they think it’s stupid for that to be your only motivation. Vacations are adventures. So let him have an adventure once in a while. Let him go on trips with friends. However, if you’re planning a family vacation and he’s not interested (and he’s old enough to take care of himself), know also that staying home alone rather than with the family can also be an adventure and it may be preferable to taking a sullen teenager with you everywhere you go.

Poem of the day

from “The Tatters” Brenda Coultas

I can get at the drawings or language of making things: instruction manuals for building fires or cookbooks for explosives or poisons. I have found out why we stand tall and who the commanders of the great ships are. I have learned the story of the microscope and of birds which dress in blue and purple, of how to read a sea shell. I have read of Monsters of the Land and Sky, from the crumbles of a 19th century text. I commit to memory views from penny postcards of sights I’ve never seen and actions I never witnessed; like the great swans of Long Island in the wild, or the skyline of Manhattan as seen from the deck of a paddlewheel steamer. I am impressed by cancelled postcards from the plains of a sod house or from a museum of corn.

On the road again: Packing for another adventure

Getting ready tonight for a 2.5 week adventure to visit my dear dear friend Krista in Japan.  Leaving this Thursday at 6 am and thinking about how much better I am at packing now than a few years ago.  A few pre-trip essentials have been taken care of:

- Cut, buff, and repaint toenails
- Take nail polish off, cut, and buff fingernails
- Toiletries bottles refilled and in a bag at the top of my airplane "personal item"
- Lonely Planet Japan book reserved at the library for pick up tomorrow morning
- iPhone 4 from Kalen charged w music, Japan travel app, and Skype credit
- Credit and debit calls called for details of international fees and travel notice so they're not stopped while abroad
-Clothes for two and a half weeks carefully rolled up to fit into one backpack and one carry on suitcase
- Sketchbook and journal packed
-Camera charged and memory card cleared
- Two pairs of squishable walking shoes purchased, squished, and packed into a carry on
-Waterproof Sea-to-Summit camping bag emptied of air and packed into the mix
- Camping towel and swim suit rolled into side pocket of backpack
- Layers, layers, layers, and even more layering options ready to go

East Asia, I'm nearly ready for you.  Bring it on.

The start of another year

The big 2-7, and I've felt surrounded by thoughtful people all day long.  I actually prefer working on my birthday to not working bc there are more people around to feel celebratory with.

A late night gift pick up from my neighbor's unlocked car in his driveway last night, nice Trippel beer waiting on the counter in a beautiful bag from my roommate this morning, the most beautiful rose I've ever seen waiting in the crack of my car door for me from a secret admirer this morning, a cubicle covered with streamers, 4th of July costume celebration and pitch in at work, a team pitch in with cupcakes, a singing birthday card from my coworkers, and a thoughtful gift of sidewalk chalk (long story) from my boss to round out the day before a birthday dinner (and my annual St. Germaine birthday cocktail!) with Mom and Sarah at Flatwater on the White River.

Early bedtime getting ready for an early morning tomorrow to drive up to a 4th of July weekend in Pentwater, Michigan

It's been a relatively grown-up, relatively low-key, but 100% perfect birthday.

The sort of week where you come home to flowers on your doorstep

It's been an interesting few days. Thankful for a thoughtful surprise. 

And so begins the World Cup